The last few days have been so difficult. I find myself missing Tony so much its almost unbearable. I feel sad and lost all day. Its hard to focus on school and work. I don't really feel like interacting with other people. When I am not busy, sometimes I'll just sit for hours and stare at nothing getting lost in my thoughts. The simplest things can send me off in tears. How am I supposed to do this for another four months? Even my DVDs for work don't interest me - I have to force myself to sit and watch them.
I know there are good and bad days. But even my "good days" are bad. The "bad days" are just plain horrible. I hate deployments. Especially this one, its a huge waste of money. They take our guys away unnecessarily for months with limited communication. All they do is sit in the desert and train. The same training they can do in the US for a fraction of the time and money. I just don't understand it.
I wish I could just get into the swing of this deployment. Last year I had horse shows and barn stuff to keep busy. Now I don't even feel wanted at the barn. Thats another sad subject. I have to drag myself to the barn. Its not fair to Fanny. I love her so much but sometimes the barn is the last place I feel like being. I need to get there this weekend to see her. I wish I wasn't so miserable :(
2 comments:
NIK! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! I WISH I WERE THERE TO HUG YOU AND TAKE A NIGHT TO DRINK ALL OUR SORROWS AWAY! Everything will be fine, we are gonna make it and in the end you will when you see Tony's face you will forget all of this shit that you are going through.
I know its hard, but its time like this that we have to try to pull our selves up by the bootstraps - and I will def. be pulling on one of yours for a little added support! CHIN UP SISTER! Every little thing is gonna be alright.
Thank you lauren!! I love you! you are such a good friend and you really help me out. i was wearing my cowgirl boots with PJ bottoms today shoveling pony poo, they're pulled all the way up.
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