Good to Bad in a Flash

Today started out fabulous. I got a phone call at 7am from Tony. We talked for 30 mins (cost him $30). Today was supposed to be the day I caught up on my sleep. So I tried to go back to sleep, I was so excited about my call. Then I here "bloop bloop bloop blooop" from my computer. Lauren! Her morning conversation with Scott was, well, not quite as she had hoped it would go. So I listened (watched technically) as she told me whats up. I suggested we go back to sleep, lol. Sleep is the answer! I didn't sleep much longer...but things ended up working out for Lauren, which always makes me glad!

I dragged myself out of bed at 10ish to shower and get ready. I promised my grandparents I'd help them get Autumn/Halloween decorations and set them up. This is a long long story. I wanted to do homework all day but I promised I'd go. Ever since my grandpa passed away, I've had issues about how much time I spend with my remaining three grandparents. I feel like I never spent enough time with him, its something I think about every day. I guess in some demented way, spending time with my other three is something I should do--not be lazy and just do it. You just never know what could happen, guess it goes for any one of us though. Grim but true :-\

I ran some errands after this: pick up DVDs at work, get groceries for mom, get stupid decorations (not sure why I bothered...) for Autumn, home to drop off stuff, back out to get new shoes for soccer, and a game for Tony's Thanksgiving carepackage. I felt tired after all this driving around but I felt good. I was happy. I got a lot of what I wanted to do done. This stuff had been siting in my head for days to do. I still have more. But when I got home, I got into a huge fight with my mom. Its not worth going into...but it shot my mood right down. I tried to apologize, and we talked for a bit, which ended in a fight again.

I can't even think of how to describe how I feel. I am sad, I am angry, I am frustrated, I am lonely. I came into my room, slammed my door and screamed into my robe hanging on my door. I threw things around and I cried. I thought about all the horrible things that have happened in my lifetime. I thought about the loved ones I've lost, the stupid things I've done, about missing Tony and hating the military for taking him away twice in the short time I've known him. And I had an urge to get away from all this. Get away from school, from work, from arguments, from deployments--where could I go. Then I came back to Earth and realized I can't do that. I'm here. I have to deal. I've finally calmed down, but I'm still upset. I just wish my life was normal again - its been so long....



this is a ridiculous post, but it felt good to get out.